This blog is mainly about actuality, but I will write something really personal tonight.
Many are keeping this inside, but sometimes having a psychological condition is worse than having any sort of physical pain. At least, when you have a physical pain you can take painkillers, or if you have cancer people all suddenly respect you. Many hospitals even have special wings for people who have cancer.
There is medication available for mental illness of course, but it’s not the same. You tend to hide it, it’s considered taboo you tend to talk about it only to people who take it or know somebody close who take them.
I find that very few people understand me. I have a sense that being alone have become something normal out to the point of killing me internally. You sometimes don’t know that if others (or anyone in this world) understand what you are feeling. You cannot say it in words and you feel trapped in a prison that you are building by yourself.
My birthday in is less then three weeks. It may seems trivial, but you tend to think more the days before you get a year older in this Earth. For anyone, comparing yourself with your peers is something important. And even if the grass if always greener elsewhere, you tend to feel like a loser. Someone which do everything badly, a piece in a dysfunctional which you don’t understand sometimes.
I don’t know, I am maybe the only one to feel this, but it’s difficult to summarize it in words. It just hurts a lot.