A guide to newspaper dating

Websites of almost all major daily newspapers in the UK had this weird  »dating » section, so I decided to  »find » (in my imagination) the most interesting dating profiles.

Let’s start with the Telegraph dating

My name is Robert. I am from Turnbridge Wells. I am working as a stockbroker and I commute eight hours a day. My interests include cricket, putting small boats in bottles with a tweezer and drinking dry non-Scottish whisky.

My name is Jane. I am from Berkshire. I love being middle class, drinking wines with names I cannot pronounce and trying to speak French. I also love travelling by alternating with ski trips, city trips, trips to a beach house in Cornwall and trips to a random Greek island.

The Sun dating

My name is Tom. I am an electrician from Basildon. I love being a swing voter, being chosen to do polls as a token Basildon man, doing what others do, going to the pub with my lads, the gym and watching some football on the tele.

My name is Nicola, I am from Luton. I love clubbing, my dog Coco and going to the beach in Spain and not remembering anything on all of my trips.

The Guardian dating

My name is Andrei and I am living in Islington. I love being in constant solidarity with all opressed groups in the world. I also like eating natural foods as a post-paleo whatever this means.

My name is Gaia and I live in Brighton. I love being in constant harmony with nature, doing hot, cold and luckwarm yoga and wearing my yoga pants everywhere while drinking my gluten-free lattechinno with museli in it

The Daily Mail dating

My name is Dave and I live in Dover. I love beer, women, football and England. I hate criminals, Europe and strangers stealing our jobs.

My name is Chazelle and I live in Truro.  I love partying, cocktails, tanning and Magalufing. I love shopping and going at the beauty salon especially to go at tanning booths.

The Times dating

My name is John and I Iive in Richmond. I am working as a Senior Executive Consulting Consultant. I love classic cars, drinking Stella Artois, smoking cigars and playing golf. 

My name is Helen and I live in Buckinghamshire. I am working as a Senior Executive Analysing Analyst for a City firm located in err…Canary Wharf. I love being middle class, drinking South American wine which is not from Argentine and going to Tuscany.

The Independent dating

My name is Lothar. I am living in Lewisham in a cozy paleo-industrial loft with open ventiliation shafts on my ceilling. I love travelling, going to soirées and drinking martinis.

My name is Julia. I live in Hampstead. I work as an Executive at a fashion magazine that my father started. I love yachting, gin and tonic and going to Africa helping the orphanage that I use as wor…err…sponsoring.

Daily Mirror dating

I am Ed. Am working as an executive consultant to a  »community organizing » Organisation. I love brass bands, using Madiba to designate anyone from South Africa, wearing hats with stars at the front and the Miliband Brothers. 

I am Lucy. I am living between Liverpool, Manchester and Bradford. Working for a governement-based NGO which goal is to foster community relations in an on-going project since 1947. I love watching politically motivated documentaries and drink bad overpriced fair trade coffee. 


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