How somebody with #autism see social relations

One of the great challenges with somebody with autism are social interactions. Of course, each person who have autism have different challenges and it’s still really difficult to see any patterns. It’s a very new science in a way.

I will go with my personal experiences. 

-For some things it’s fine. It’s weird to say this, but I am comfortable speaking in front of a large group. Generally, I am very good talking in this setting and I can speak with few or no notes. However, I was never comfortable speaking with someone on the phone, and for many things I am much more comfortable writing something than explaining it in words.

-On one on one, it depends. I can have a working relationship with people, as I can be very open with people I am very close with, but on a day to day relation I could have with two given people is really awkward. Doing visual contact is really difficult for me, and I know that many people could see this as I am not interested in what they are saying, while it’s the opposite. 

-I was never comfortable with small groups of 4-5 people and I try to run from these situations as much as possible. I don’t know what to do in this social situation up to the point of making me sick. I have great difficulty analyzing the social interactions in these of groups and I feel overwhelmed.  

The question of relationships is also a very touchy question. Each person who have autism is different, but the way I see it, the brain is quite bipolar on this and I don’t know if my brain is still developing on this even after close to 25 years. Sometimes I don’t feel like seeing anyone, but in other cases I do think a relationship will be something positive as it gives security and company. I must say that insecurity is a big problem in my case. Is it because I was born as a very premature baby especially for 1989? I don’t know. But there is this fear of being left alone in my psyche that comes back often. 

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